theka - oslo, norway

Rating:  4 / 10

When your menu states to specify "Mild", "Medium" or "Spicy", and the answer is "Very spicy please", and what appears on the plate is a mountain of inane bland desecration of the Motherland, with 2 miniscule pieces of green chilli sprinkled on top, then yes, we're gonna have a problem. ​

I could tell without even setting foot in Theka that the food would be as vapid as the location. Squeezed into the diamond (ring) real estate of Grunerløkka beside Parkteatret, whoever decided to open this gaudy temple of trash was banking on the clientele being devoid of a palate. 

Yes, it's been a while since I went full grumpy on any establishment, but this deserves it. Sure, the service was friendly enough, being able to sit outside during Covid times is slightly more comforting, and the lack of loud music provided the opportunity for conversation. It's just sad that the conversation mostly revolved around how incredibly tasteless and boring the food was. 

I haven't done my research on Theka, but i'm going to bet a million Kroner that the same chef who is responsible for the slow painful death of Punjab Tandoori has had his grubby little fingers in this kitchen too. The Chicken Curry tasted like yellow water with a small piece of meat in it, the chana masala would make a Punjabi auntie weep, the salad and plain rice were nothing to write home about as you'd expect, and the fatty lamb curry had an OUNCE more flavour than the rest, but we're really clutching at straws here people. 

Being just shy of 200 NOK for a plate of passionless food served on a thali tray with a bang-on-average small nan proping up the volume for bonus points, this wasn't a meal I would ever return to. No Indian would eat this and be satisfied, I guarantee you the chef doesn't eat this food. They cook their own lunch or dinner seperately while they send this absolute grief out for people who probably don't know the difference and think it makes a change from Fredagstaco.

This is an insult to India.

These recommendations are just personal opinions based on my palate, things change, chefs get fired or replaced, places open-close, relocate, so take it all with a pinch of MSG and discover your own gems too. But please do try a few of these, they have been researched exhaustively.